I am outraged, absolutely outraged, at what is a far too common practice in the food service industry. When I order a Grilled Cheese sandwich, I am clearly not looking for something fancy. If I wanted fancy, I would have gone for something that isn’t an exact description of what it is: a grilled sandwich of cheese. It leaves nothing to the imagination, so I clearly am not looking to get experimental with my food.

However, that does not mean you should dress it up with some form of garnish. Specifically, some places seem intent on piling a couple of pickles onto the plate to turn it into something they can be proud of. Well, guess what: I hate pickles.

They’re disgusting, and vile, and just gross. They leak all over the place, spreading their venomous juices onto the bread. The result is that corners, valuable and succulent corners, are ruined on my sandwich.

And I’m fed up with it.

I am supporting a nationwide ban on unnecessary garnishes. While I know I am picky, I don’t think everyone who orders a Grilled Cheese wants pickles on their plate, especially if there is the possibility of cross-contamination. Pickles are not something like lettuce, which while annoying for me is basically harmless. They are a divisive food, one whose texture and taste can create issues for many patrons.Who will stand with me against these Gerkin Gerudos, these wannabe Emerils who think that I desire a pickle with my simple sandwich? Even if you like pickles, there’s no need to ruin sandwiches for the rest of us.

Who’s with me?