As I was purchasing my copy of Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition at EB Games yesterday, I was a little bit startled as to why Michael, the friendly employee behind the desk, asked me the following question:

“So, how old are you?”

Was this some sort of inquisition? I’m just here to buy a video game, not a frakkin’ handgun. But then I remembered something: he has to ask my age. As I stuttered my way to saying “21” (I was shocked he didn’t ID me based on my initial response of “Wow, what IS my age?”), I remember that Resident Evil 4 was rated “M” for Mature, or Most Likely to Lead to Serial Killings according to people like Jack Thompson. And then I came to another realization:

I have NEVER purchased an M-Rated Game.

This had a profound impact on the remainder of my day: was I emotionally prepared to own a game that Thompson believes could ruin society? I’ve played M-Rated games before, but owning them is an entirely different story. Would I remain my incorruptible self in the wake of owning and playing this gory masterpiece?

Well, after playing for about an hour, I came to a verdict:

I am TOTALLY not ready to play an M-Rated game. Why? Because I’m having WAY too much fun gettin’ my gore on.

While I have had my usual frustrations with the game (I’m not overly good), I found myself having the most morbid things happening to me and others and smiling through it all. The first time I blew off someone’s head with my handgun? I chuckled. CHUCKLED. And then there was the first shotgun blast. A guy COMBUSTED. He was dust in the frakkin’ wind. And I was HAPPY. Giddy, even.

And that doesn’t even get into my first encounter with my buddy with the chainsaw there. Here I was, shooting satanic villagers when a guy with a chainsaw comes from behind me and CHOPS MY HEAD OFF. I was pissed, of course, since my head is considered a hot commodity by the remainder of my body which requires it to function. So, I restarted from the start of the village and made my way back through. This time he came from a different direction, and I thought I was ready for him…but nope, off with my head.

But this time something was different...it was kind of cool. I was almost happy I had died. The next time, I greeted chainsaw guy as if he was an old friend who I just happened to want to kill. My handgun did little good, and finally I succumbed to the head choppage, knowing my fate was grim…and yet I no longer cared.

My first playtime with Resident Evil 4 had basically rendered me and the Chainsaw Guy as best friends, and the morbidity of it all was not lost on me. After numerous attempts, I finally laid Chainsaw Guy to rest with a few shotgun blasts and advanced past that section to learn that, well, that was just the introduction. A cake walk. I’m sure the game will have me committing genocide while smiling from ear to ear in no time. So be prepared for a new and violent Myles. You’ve been warned.

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